Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
