i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
