oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
pray to the hookup gods
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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