I must be too annoying 4 u.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
