I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
