I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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