please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
