ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
