Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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