apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
