Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
