dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
