It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
