There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
even my farts smell like vagina
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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