Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
