Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
