idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
