put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize