I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
