Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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