hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
