he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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