if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
