Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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