i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
