You can't special order awesome
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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