Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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