How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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