Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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