I just pynch a tree in the face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
