So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
