He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
