remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
