I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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