Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
