i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
