After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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