literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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