Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
