did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
