This girl is more easily done than said...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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