My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
