8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i think i just lost a toe
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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