I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
