Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
