this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
