I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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