I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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