His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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