She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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