Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
