Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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