shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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