I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
