She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?