last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.