am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles