Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off