dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.