At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?