You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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