I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
