He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
