are you still at the devil's house?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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