On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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