Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket