For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?