So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here