Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
