Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill