My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing