I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
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my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.