I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
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I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on