The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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