He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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