Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
