why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
