You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I am morally bankrupt
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
